From Personal Letters Written Between Ages 14 and 19

I’m no poet.

I love being by myself when it rains. It’s the only time it feels right to be alone.

This part of the day isn’t bad. I like it.

I can hardly picture your face anymore.

I hate people.

I’m talking like a soap opera star again.

Everything comes naturally to you and you don’t have to work at things very hard. Then there’s me.

I’m already putting decorations up and singing Christmas carols.

I feel so lonely but it’s not because I’m alone.

Last night I had a dream that my dad was alive. I didn’t like it. The thing is, I never see him in my dreams. There’s just some reference to “dad” or it is understood that he’s alive.

Today was a strange day. I’m not sure if I liked it.

I like you more than Spam. I feel like you said that to me once.

Today we broke up. It was terrible.

I’m cuter than my senior pictures make me look.

I’m really not a good writer. It’s like that poem about the thought flowing and the words lagging behind. I think about my idea or emotion, but the words don’t convey the intensity of my thoughts.


I had a dream that you were a space man. We got married and had a half-space baby. You also couldn’t breathe oxygen or eat soft brownies.

Question: Am I completely—or mostly—self-concerned? Do I only care about that which affects my life? Do I only like people because they give me something?

I hope the ’90s are better than the ’80s. I have a feeling they will be—people are becoming more accepting and more socially conscious. That makes me happy.

When we see each other, can we play Yahtzee?

The ever-present question: Are you still in love with me?

I’m not spastically paranoid of parties anymore.

I’m scared that this whole weird thing will repeat itself.

My dead bird’s name was Parker. He was named after Charlie Parker, the sax player, whose nickname was Bird.

We’ve really messed up the environment—who’d ever think we’d have 60+ degree weather here in Kansas City in February.

Well, I don’t like the whole music “scene.” Everybody criticizes everyone else and only picks out the bad aspects of other people’s music.