The Poem and the Body, the Body and the Poem

I intended to write a piece on poetry yesterday, but instead I experienced a tear in my retina. Right eye. Noonish. I saw white lights like fireworks, followed by a hovering gray blob that obscured my vision. It was roughly the shape of an acorn cap or a winter hat with a fuzzy ball on top. An ophthalmologist at KU Medical Center saw me right away. He looked deep into my vitreous gel with a fancy headlamp that made him look like he was about to go spelunking and exclaimed, I see the acorn in your eye! I thought he was making a joke, but apparently he could see a bundle of proteins torn from my retinal lining floating in the gel.

Why does the poetic image communicate faster than other forms? A few years ago, I asked this very question on Facebook and then proceeded to answer it myself. How annoying of me. My answer was as follows:

Arthur Koestler has an interesting theory. He says poetry requires thinking on a third plane, a kind of “bisociation,” meaning perceiving a situation or an idea in two individually consistent but habitually incompatible frames of reference. This bisociation disturbs our patterns of thinking/feeling and causes a crisis, which requires a third plane of thinking/feeling to arise, one that is antithetical to but that does not negate the strife of the two.

Since this moment of entry into the poem is a moment of crisis, I would argue that we respond to the crisis the way we are hard-wired to respond to all crises—as quickly as possible. Our entry into the poem is similar to pulling a hand away from a scalding object before realizing on a conscious level that the object is hot. It’s instinctual, a survival tactic. Perhaps bisociation in poetry works on this level as well—because of the crisis the poem presents, we move swiftly to a different mode of thinking/feeling that allows us to enter the poem without completely fracturing our identities, without obliterating our ways of seeing and moving through the world. Bisociation is a way of surviving the poem, of seeing the world as we experience it on a day-to-day level, then seeing the world of the poem itself, then seeing a plane on which to stand, one that straddles the two and gives the reader a place to exist, to breathe.

Perhaps this is why poems work on us so quickly, why the image communicates faster in poetry than in other forms of writing. Precisely because poems put us in crisis.

I removed that post from Facebook years ago, but I stashed it in my poetry files. I came across it today and appreciated it as one way to understand how poems work. I also appreciated my former self for leaving me this trace. It could prove useful when people ask me what poems are, how the mean, and under what conditions they operate.

If you look at a vertical sagittal section of the human eye, you are supposed to see something that resembles a camera. That’s not what I see. I see an angelfish without the fins. I’m sure this says something fundamental about me. The watery fish in the head. The brain home to an aquarium. The two specimens that cannot swim, that cannot escape, that do my bidding, that are forced to document the production.

In his poem “Trace,” Eric Pankey writes: To occupy space is to shape it. / Snow, slantwise, is not white / But a murk of winter-black basalt. / In the gullied, alluvial distances, / On the swallow-scored air, / Each erasure is a new trace.

Having a torn retina is not without its consequences. I feel like a mean girl punched me in the eye. Maybe at a bar. Maybe after I looked at her the wrong way. Maybe after she mistook the fireworks in my eyes for something I never intended.

If you look closely enough at a poem while wearing a headlamp, you can enter its recesses and observe the detail held within its vitreous gel. What drifts and where. What has lost viscosity with age and use. What holds fast. But when you occupy the poem, you change it. We change things by looking. There is no way around this.

When I told my husband about my retina, he asked if reading poetry might have caused the tear. I said poetry had no bearing on what happened. He seems to think poetry leads to disaster. I’ve tried to tell him for years now that we all lead ourselves to disaster, with or without poetry. Poems simply document the path from cradle to grave; from point of entry to point of no exit; from one dark, craggy landmark to another.

This Day

I emailed my husband a poem, and he replied by sending me a to-do list.

I am a long drive through ugly country.

Sometimes, we need to give people more than they deserve.

Today, the sun rises over endless fields of what.

I’m having a strange day in which everything my left hand touches feels rough and everything my right hand touches feels smooth.

Sometimes I feel like a faint pencil line under all the wrong words.

I want so much for this day.

I sing sweet songs while I piddle around the house, just like my mother did. My husband studies the qualities of maple leaves scattered on a table, just like his father would.

Driven to abstraction.

I just saw a flock of birds flying in the shape of a giant bird.

Ring of Fire

Misread of the day: Abandon the cultural myth that all female friendships must be itchy.

We don’t always know the whole story, and the whole story isn’t always ours to know.

My thoughts are like cicadas: They burrow underground for years before returning to the surface to scream from the trees.

My life is a ripe fruit with a bruise hidden deep inside.

Some days, I feel like a paramecium lodged inside my own brain.

I’ve gone from one monitor to two. Pretty soon, I’ll be surrounded by monitors—not exactly a ring of fire, but one of heat and light.

The product of consumption attempts to consume itself.

Hayden stood on my chest this morning until I agreed to get out of bed.

I just watched a video of a pet pig being massaged with a fork.

Every day, I make sure my dog knows the love she never knew before we met.

Mutually Assured Distraction

The world sounds like an endlessly compressing accordion

Apostrophetal: The assumption of the fetal position after being exposed to too many improperly used apostrophes.

The tenderness of spring reminds me how tender we all are.

I don’t really see the point. But I am open to the possibility of there being one.

One thousand thoughts between two that matter.

Microsoft Word just suggested I change “dysfunctionally” to “dysfunction ally.” That’s what I need: an ally with whom I can share my dysfunction.

A marriage between two people with ADHD can be summed up in three words: mutually assured distraction.

If we loved living beings more than we love war: biological welfare.

It took more than three years, but I finally found Hayden’s tickle spot.

Sodden

I dreamed I went to work naked, which was very disturbing because I don’t have a job.

My life is like a prom dress: I don’t know if it works or if it’s a disaster.

My mind used to be sodden. Now it is a sieve.

Today’s activities feel as pointless as setting a corpse’s coif with hairspray.

I am listening to rain and birdsong.

No reality but in the mind.

The inspired create the pseudo-effect of inspiration in the uninspired.

Behind every malady a tragedy.

If too many people start to like what you are doing, you’d better do something else.

Alone-Togetherness

The most annoying thing about Buddhism is all the bowing.

Compassion takes over where understanding leaves off.

I am not a writer. I am a transcriptionist for my mental activity.

When cricket chirps are slowed down, they sound like a choir of angels. Don’t let anyone convince you the world isn’t miraculous.

There’s a kind of alone-togetherness that permeates existence.

The measure of intelligence is not the ability to think perfectly but the ability to rethink imperfect thoughts.

I can accept the sound of the neighbor’s Big Wheel obsessively mapping the driveway that lies right outside my writing studio. But I will never accept the incessant tinkling of his little tricycle bell.

The people who think they’ve seen God have really only seen into their own minds.

The desire to achieve Enlightenment is the desire to enter into a controlled psychotic state.

You can’t understand the minds of others until you understand what your own mind is capable of.

Selvage

My word of the day is “salvage,” not to be confused with “selvage.” Or is it the other way around—something that should be discarded, not saved?

Sometimes I don’t feel like a human being. I feel like a cautionary tale.

Like any truly romantic couple, my dog and I often watch the sunrise together.

The inner dialogue is the outer dialogue, and the outer dialogue is the inner dialogue.

If the only power I have is to make someone’s day worse, I have no power at all.

The mountains know they are turning to silt.

Tonight my therapist said, “You must feel like you’re on a lonely journey.” My response was, “I am Buddhist. We are always on a lonely journey.”

I’ve inspired tens of people in my lifetime.

The more ridiculous language becomes, the more truth it contains.

Let Us Not Be Remembered

Let us not be remembered by one word: ruin.

Tomorrow, I will kiss this ground and sing its praises. I will give it my tears and joy alike. I will thank it for sustaining life and for allowing me to come home.

Outside, children turn the last of the snow into snowballs.

Hayden just tried to eat the baby Jesus ornament that’s hanging on our Buddhist Christmas tree.

It can be hard to tell if something is done with intention or for attention.

I stopped reading poetry, and the world closed. Then I read a single poem, and the world opened again.

My mind is wind.

Change your language and you change everything.

We have no business in the sky, but there we are, imitating birds.

Sound, Sense, Story, Song

I read poems four ways: as sound, as sense, as story, as song.

As a poet, you can either have a steadfast allegiance to your poetry or to your ego. Please choose wisely.

I need a larger mind today, and a larger heart.

I watch three deer run back and forth across the seam that separates trees from meadow. This is what the human heart and mind do at their best: move between states as if they were landscapes, tracing a crooked line for others to follow.

I am seeing more and more kindness and generosity in those around me. And more and more, that kindness and generosity make my heart and mind sing.

Metadata is my nemesis.

I am a typo.

I think we should stop eating meat and start eating vegans.

I keep reading “Three Days in Austin” as “Three Days in Autism” and thinking, “Actually, it’s been a lot longer than three days.”

Conversation I had today: Person I Was Talking With: “You’re in your late 20s, right?” Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

The Ability to See

Reading poetry is less about the ability to read than the ability to see.

You can’t burn a bridge that was never there to begin with.

Sometimes, going back is moving forward.

Tonight in Sandpoint, Idaho, I saw a little girl with cancer toss a penny into a fountain. She stood by the fountain for a long time, lacing and unlacing her fingers as she prayed.

There is fire between us and where we want to go.