Amazed

I am not just leaving Seattle. I am leaving a life that I have not understood for a long time: one that has not represented who I am, who I am becoming or who I want, ultimately, to be.

Be a person who can say wow, someone who can be amazed. Be amazed today. Repeatedly.

What we believe we will see informs what we will see. What we believe we will think informs what we will think. What we believe we will feel informs what we will feel.

I want you to ache.

I passed a donkey on my way home tonight.

Driving to Seattle for the weekend last night, I passed Hanford as the sun was setting. The telephone lines in the area always remind me of crosses, grave markers.

I feel safe knowing where all the poets are right now, and that they are on the other side of the continent from me. AWP is like my ADT security system, protecting me from unwanted poet intrusions.

How I ache for land that has been abused, neglected and forgotten.

Tonight, I saw a dozen horses crowding one another on a small hill.

Since passing the Hanford site tonight, I can’t stop thinking about the Hanford site.

Mismatched

If I were in a gang, my gang name would be The Bloodjet.

Today, I am trying to work out what bothers me most. I think it might be systems.

I try friendships on like clothing, and find most of them too small—or their overall effect unflattering.

My husband is going to find me locked in here with all this cake.

All my shames are mismatched.

The capacity animals have to trust, even after enduring unthinkable suffering and abuse, simply astounds me.

Staring out this window has everything to do with learning something about my life, and about living.

I just misread the words living room as Mignon, and now I miss my mother.

It is with the first look in a mirror that we come to know ourselves as a thing, as an object, and as something that—inexplicably—exists both inside and outside of us.

It is when we forget who bakes our bread, who processes our waste, who maintains our water lines, who buries our dead—it is when these people become anonymous that we can live inside the delusion that we have no attachments, no dependence, on others.

Living is controlled falling.

I am tired of egocasting: I want to write something else, read something else.

In the end, even our feces is turned into a commodity. We can’t take a shit without being sold.

I awake, reminded again of our dimity convictions and freckled human nature. So it is; so we are.

The signifier and the signified enjoy no relationship other than the one we impose through language. That bond can be broken as soon as perception is broken, challenged.

At first I felt like a trinket. For a while I felt like a person. Later I felt like a freak.

Search term that led someone to my site: senile warts and irritable bowel syndrome.

When I am an old woman I shall wear people.

Tomorrow, something will happen.

I am the voice of unreason.

I rise and greet this broken nose of a day.

They are coming to take my weekend—the minutes and the hours. I just know it.

This idea that everything must be solid, that everything must last forever, I think it’s misguided.

It seems to me that we are more committed to our own suffering than we are to just about anything else.

Whole relationships these days are representational rather than experiential.

You don’t need surgery to figure out the heart.

I am tired of encountering ossified minds.

I made a paper angel out of my trash. Jon made a square snowflake.

I feel small and dull and flawed.

Writers don’t have secrets; secrets have writers.

Rendered

I want to sell books labeled “self-help” so I will have no obligations to research, accuracy or integrity.

I think I have my day on inside out.

Craigslist want ad: Great Pay to $0K Immediate. Hey, they’re advertising my job!

Please think about what you say before you go splatting it all over the place like explosive diarrhea in an elevator at the Imperial Palace in Las Vegas.

I love fast computers the way some people love fast cars.

The only thing worse than being around one awkward person is being around more than one awkward person.

How I feel: like I was invited to a party only to be sent home upon arrival for wearing the wrong dress.

It is only once we are rendered useless that we may come to know how much we are, or are not, loved.

I don’t think I have a reading disorder; I think I have a reading disease.

I want to be a painting. I don’t mean I want to be painted. I mean I want to be a painting. I think it would be nice: everyone looking at me and no expectation that I do anything in return.

Dear Hands, How did you manage to change the word glad into gonad in the email you just sent? Love, Dana

If I came with a dislike button, a lot of people would push it.

Everything I am doing right now is in the spirit of questioning and exploration. Deal with it.

My defense: They were 67 percent off, so I got 5,900 percent more than I needed.

Make love not waste.

Life is a lottery ticket, and most of us are losers.

I am fluent in two languages: English and LOLcat.

I have tried my entire life to dispense with any sense of urgency.

Soon we won’t even speak. We will simply mediate one another’s lives.

Nothing draws attention like attention.

Everything that can be turned into a word can exist in language.

Blowing out the candle isn’t going to help if the house is already on fire.

Loving me is the first step toward hating me.

I no longer have friends; I have personal associates.

Spent all day figuring out the story of my trash.

If people came with a dislike button, I would push it a lot.

When I was young, I was alone but wanted to have friends. Now, I have friends but want to be alone.

I have Barry White and 53 cans of Coca-Cola on this snowed-in Thanksgiving. What more could I want?

Another dead varied thrush at my house. Fell out of the sky, faulty. A man, a witness, walked into my driveway, picked up the bird and brushed snow off its feathers. He turned the bird, examined its body. Satisfied, he gave it a heave-ho into the air. The thrush flew, feebly, in the shape of an upside-down “U” drawn by a drunk’s hand, then went, clean, into a drift of snow—a missile leaving a bird-shaped hole.

Last night, I misread a line from one of Elizabeth Colen’s poems as: Here we take mattresses into our own hands. I was all, Wow. It’s like she really knows my family.

Decorative Tassels

If you’re going to say something, say something that’s worth repeating.

We are hurt. We are healed. We hurt. We heal.

I feel so basic, like a Yugo.

As the days become colder, I feel my heart warming up.

What we all want, more than anything, is meaning.

If I started talking about love and light and peace and healing, would that freak you out?

These decorative tassels are not the boss of me.

I will not be governed by metronome or meter.

Suddenly there is a dump truck in my driveway and a woman yelling in Thai.

What would we not worship or covet simply because of its materiality.

One cannot live in a heartless world without something that has a heart.

My tap water smells like a dog I once loved.

I have no idea how I went from a sleeping to a waking state today. One moment I was in bed. The next, I was standing in front of a full-length mirror wearing jeans and a bra, worrying about the state of my abdomen.

Quigly “Dubious” Terrington likes the smell of peanut butter.

Now that I have a hamster and two hermit crabs, who isn’t going to want to be my friend?

The world is full of poets with bold moves and bad manners.

I read language as if looking through branches.

I am not here to write things that will make you feel comfortable.

I am coming to believe the only person I was/am meant to converse with is my dead mother: Everyone else was/is just a stand-in.

I might start talking again sogon. To the living, that is.

I am busy removing the pleats from my invisibility cloak. They make me look bulky, even though I am invisible.

For every “discovery” you make, you leave hundreds, if not thousands, unearthed.

To provide effective customer service, one must work the library as if they are working the room at a party. Only without the alcohol.

Oh look. You made spam email into a poem. How original.

No, this is not something I normally do. It’s something I abnormally do. Thanks for allowing me to clarify.

I think the entire field of public librarianship needs to be put in the spanking machine.

My husband just aptly described my modus operendi: You hold happiness hostage, and then you steal all the candy.

No matter how many rituals I employ to frame, contain and contextualize my day, nothing negates the futility of existence.

If everything is futile, why do we continue? I think it is because someone told us we could love one another.

I think what I want more than anything is to have an open heart.

If I know when you’ve been naughty or nice, does that make me Santa Claus or God. I can’t remember.

Twitter’s Who to Follow suggestions should be renamed Who to Avoid.

I want to be open to wide views and visionary dimensions that can be fantastic, but not deformed.

To my credit, at every phase of my life, I have surrounded myself with those who are more talented than I am.

I am staring out the window, waiting for my husband to come home and walk me.

People say I’m just like my father: a pistol. Too bad I’m not loaded.

I have a passion that is greater than you.

When one cannot issue orders, one becomes adept at offering suggestions.

Because I could not disagree, I remained silent. This was the first step in the occupation of my life.

I remember touching David Lynch: His skin was soft and cold, like a Vietnamese spring roll.

Another Matter

It is from word groupings that don’t make immediate sense that a kind of sense arises, in part created by the reader. The beauty of this kind of sense is that it shifts, depending on the reader and the given reading by any one reader. What was on one reading might not be on the next.

When people ask me where my family is from, I should say, They are from the soil, and they have returned to the soil.

Poems will trap you if you don’t trap them first.

Creating a network of writers is easy; creating a network of readers is another matter entirely.

There is no answer to ‘Who am I?’ because nobody exists independently, but rather each of us exists only through everyone else. And who can understand everyone else? — modification of a Shunryu Suzuki-roshion quote

Dana Guthrie Martin: A self-taught being of the human variety who enhances her existence with various starting points and no end points.

Do you know what it means to unironize the word faith?

Sure, I’ll pray to the sunset. What harm could that do?

This sky is making me sad and beautiful.

How much of what we think and feel collectively dies with us individually?

Information Gathering

Last night I dreamed the librarians held hands and danced in circles and told me to put more grit in my poems.

When I get angsty, information gathering calms me down. As does putting cotton swabs in my ears.

I like certain things better than other things, and by things I mean people.

The public diction I once used seems foreign to me now, as if it is the imprint for a happiness I will never mold myself to again.

Attack my character and integrity once: Shame on you. Attack my character and integrity twice: Shame on me for allowing you do it again.

Character and integrity don’t really belong to me at all. Both are communally constructed, as are self and identity.

It’s interesting how the language of torture works its way into poetry, into everything.

There’s something vulgar about a sandwich whose bread is missing.

I am much more interested in studying people’s behaviors than being on the receiving end of those behaviors.

I fell down today and hurt myself. The fall was complicated and graceless.

My roller derby name: Sylvia’s Wrath.

Misread of the day: I care for impotent waiters.

My summary of status messages I’ve read this morning: I [insert verb] [insert direct object].

Once you realize your brilliance is a constant, the need to rush things will dissipate.

I wonder sometimes if rolling a radio onto a stage is better than writing the word “radio” on a page.

I have nothing to say about the radio that you can’t learn from a radio.

I would be a little nervous if people agreed with me.

My new boots are chick magnets.

Every time we write, it’s like a little bit of culture is extracted from the whole to stand on its own and say, Look at we think. Look at how we feel.

I aspire to virtual locality.

I’m not sure why poems need to make things clear. Why can’t poems make things muddy? Disorient as opposed to orient?

When the poem becomes strange, you know you might have something.

I feel like the read-write culture is going back to being the read-only culture because we figured out the read-write culture is just too much work—on everyone’s end.

I think clogs make my butt look smaller.

Poetry should aspire to be better than its authors.

Social media and digital communications allow us to communicate what we feel independent of feeling what we feel. Typing an emoticon smiley face might be an indicator or placeholder for a feeling that would lead us to smile, but it is often devoid of the actual feeling—a stand-in that serves only to fill space on the screen and to express to someone else an emotion that never took up residence in our bodies.

I would say I have been to hell and back over the past 6 years, but I am not quite sure yet about the “and back” part.

To open up the earth with a crowbar. To scale trees for their sacred fruits. To whisper Thank you, thank you only to hear no You are welcome. To drive elbow deep into whatever we think is ours.

To enter another day of “I” infesting our thoughts. To discern space with a dollar. To apologize, then do more wrong.

Today I measured time by switchbacks, not by minutes.

The triumph of the human spirit is in the striving, the very fact that we strive. It is not in the success or failure of that striving.

Time falls away inside breath.

It is in writing about nothing that we might stumble upon something.

Dana Guthrie Martin :: Now with more mobility and diminished functionality.

That’s it. No more robots in the living room. Period.

My husband tries to sneak little robots into every room, as if I won’t notice.

A gang of crows just flew by my window. Cackling, they have no respect for the sleepy. And I do mean gang, as in street gang. As in, deadly.

If I were oil, I would be crude oil. I would not be the light substance we covet and over which we are willing to compromise ourselves and the earth.

There are too many people in my spanking machine. I think it’s broken. Everyone is just sitting in it having drinks and socializing as if it’s a lounge.

A friend said I would be happier If I valued things beyond people’s mistakes and flaws. Making note of and valuing are not the same thing.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you need to accept them and what they do to you in order to be happy.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you where your happiness lies. Don’t ever let anyone make the assumption that you are, or are not, happy.

Interrogate the word happy. Interrogate the assumptions of others. Interrogate everything.

Interrogate the word value, and define for yourself what your values are. Don’t let anyone tell you what you do or do not.

The impulse to create is merely the impulse to live—not the impulse to live well.

What have you accomplished today? What have you accompliced today?

Sometimes people make so many requests of us that we no longer feel like human beings but instead like walking task lists.

Looking for the topic sentence in this essay is like looking for an Easter egg on Halloween.

My process for writing is to write things down.

My defense: They were 50 percent off, so I got 4,700 percent more than I needed.

Sometimes when you see something a certain way, someone will come along and tell you your perceptions are wrong. Please remember you are under no obligation to alter your perceptions on this basis of another’s.

If as Foucault states the soul is a product of culture, that explains why we re-create the culture we know in those potentially revolutionary moments where we are able to remove ourselves from what “is.” Rather than creating something new, we revert to the culture we know not out of habit or because we can’t conceive of something else but because we must re-create what “was”—and in doing so re-create our souls. We are bringing our souls back into being, from the nothingness that threatens to consume them.

If the poem is going to have a chance, we must energize the paper.

I want to unfold everything and see what it—all

Little Universes

We share nothing but our humanity. And sometimes we share our lunch.

My implosion is my confession.

Sometimes the slow dance of poetry needs to pick up its tempo—or change tunes entirely.

Who says poetry is the best way to communicate? It is probably the worst way. Depending on how you define “poetry.” And “worst.” And “is.”

When we say, “There you have it,” we rarely know where “there” is or what “it” is.

I’m waiting for the day I fall on my face—then I’ll have an excuse for getting a nose job.

I’ve reached the existential moment where the question “How can I do the most good?” has been replaced by “How can I do the least harm?”

I looked at my poetry today and felt lonely, alone. Then I thought, “Yes, this is how it’s supposed to feel.”

If public libraries want to be relevant, they need to identify and address issues relevant to their communities, not hide from those issues.

I like books because they age with me.

I am more interested in curating content than creating it.

My preoccupations betray my privilege.

Clever is the new dull.

My not watching TV has its advantages: It keeps nonsense framed as just that, instead of giving it a sense of meaning.

Geeky T-shirt I want to have made: “Don’t blame me. Blame my social network.”

As soon as I see an ampersand in a poem, I stop reading.

I love libraries because you can find books you like—and walk away with them.

When poets are no longer relevant, they construct little universes in which they appear to be.

When reading Pablo Neruda, one might forget that the past tense exists.

A dark planet is not the solution; a sustainably illuminated one is.

Flailing

Sometimes being in the public eye means being treated like a public toilet.

Context is everything; lack thereof, nothing.

If you find it is difficult to float, you are not floating—you are flailing.

Others speaking on your behalf is not the same as your speaking for yourself.

If you start in resignation, you will end in resentment.

Professionalism means never having to say “I love you.”

Gender Blind

This book I’m reading is dumb, but I’m happy I have the right to read it.

I keep thinking in terms of “or” when I should be thinking in terms of “and.”

It’s always best to take a strong position while at the same time undermining that position.

When all else fails, the printed poem makes good wrapping paper.

You might as well wear a sandwich sign that reads, I like boring poems.

Sometimes all we have is the meat in our hands.

As usual, my day resolves to a series of biconditional statements.

Writing poetry broke me of many strange old habits, although it instilled in me one strange new habit: writing poetry.

“Is” is not the same as “is and only is.”

Gender blind is rarely gender neutral.

What We Forget

Poems don’t hurt people. People hurt poems.

Half of what we accomplish is what we manage to not screw up.

We are all polycephalous.

We should all be less concerned with intentions and more concerned with behaviors and the effects of those behaviors.

We have everything to say to one another, but all we talk about is the weather.

Once you have entered into language, you have entered into bias.

What we need to identify in any text is what goes unsaid: What is the underlying assumption or presumption; what are we being sold, and why.

We forget what we love. We love what we forget.

As I grow older, it’s not my own appearance that I’m less concerned about, but that of my books.

I enjoy books with small print and large concepts.