Last night, I dreamed I was in college again and one of my classes was starting. I realized I had to use the restroom, so I told the instructor I’d be right back. She was like, “No worries. All the chairs in this auditorium are toilets, so you can go ahead and have seat.” I looked up at a sea of students going to the bathroom in front of one another while getting ready to take notes on the lecture.

Then I dreamed my phone became sentient and scolded me and all of humanity for wasting our time on phones, thereby allowing the world to be ruined. I don’t know why, but it kept calling me Goojigoo. Goojigoo, you destroyed the environment. Goojigoo, you messed up the United States. Goojigoo, enough with the excuses. Goojigoo, put me down.

Then I dreamed I had to sew books inside my body for safekeeping until they were strong enough to be out in the world.

Then I dreamed I was an incubator for a new me. New me seemed to be mostly made of mucus and lived in my nasopharynx, oropharynx, and hypopharynx. I tried to hack it out, but I couldn’t. I was stuck with it until it matured, at which point it would crawl out of my mouth and leave me, the old me it no longer needed, behind.

Then I was like enough with the dreams, so I woke up.