This Ink Is a Suture

I showered and put on my pantaloons and corset as a form of self-care. Also, Donald Trump is a fucking monster.

Uniformity and exclusion are as shit in poetry as they are in our institutions and communities.

Dana Henry Martin is out of order. There is no handyperson coming to repair Dana Henry Martin. Please enjoy what’s left of Dana Henry Martin before she becomes rancid. Be careful: Parts of Dana Henry Martin have already spoiled.

Sometimes, we just need to be with each other.

Thank you to those who make me feel like I belong—in poetry, in my communities, and on this planet.

Poetry can be a matter of life and death, even for the poet whose work you don’t admire. Some things are more important than anyone’s precious standards, namely human life.

I spelled tyranny incorrectly yesterday, but that won’t happen again. I was dealing with all caps, which is always disorienting. Plus, I haven’t had to use the word much until now.

A power outage just ended here. Everywhere I’ve lived, folks can’t go outside when the power’s on and can’t stay inside when the power’s off.

I’m going to put googly eyes on this two-liter of Cherry Coke and call it my best friend

The present we remember as the past is the future.

This body remembers democracy.

Me: Do not start the day crying. Do not start the day crying. Do not start the day crying.

Oh, menfolk, jump into my life and save little old me, said me never.

When I wear a corset, I’m not bound like a woman, which I am not. I’m bound like a book, which I am becoming.

I just adore a beautiful font.

Creating is resisting. Create. Resist. Repeat.

Jocelynn Rojo Carranza

Unpopular opinion: Some songs hold up better than some poems.

Nothing about Ukraine without Ukraine.

If you think the now-famous male mandarin duck and male mallard hybrid pair here in Arizona are just friends, you’re living in a hetero fantasy world.

I call them Adam and Steve.

Blessed are the newscasters for they shall usher in fascism.

There’s a tiny “museum” of art on the moon that contains six drawings. The first is a penis by Andy Warhol. The second is a line drawn by Robert Rauschenberg. The third is a black square with thin white intersecting lines by David Novros. The fourth is a template pattern by John Chamberlain. The fifth is a geometric variation on Mickey Mouse by Claes Oldenburg. The sixth is a computer-generated drawing by Forrest Myers.

highly irregular = totally illegal

The sanist diaries: Some of my closest friends are sanists.

The sanist diaries: Nothing brings folks together like sanism.

Dear supporters of all this bullshit: Have fun in a world without us. Have your fucking fun after you chain us up, drive us out, imprison us, intern us, force-labor us, dehumanize us, and make living not at all viable for us. Have all the fucking fun in the world. It’s yours now. Even the birds will hate you.

Note to self for a future essay: amygdala regulation by time-stamping events in our lives through and with writing and art.

Tell me you’re a female-bodied Gen Xer with trauma without telling me you’re a female-bodied Gen Xer with trauma: A young man once told me I was too pretty to have an asshole, and I was like “I have a great asshole, Asshole,” then I had a bunch of boring sex with him because I didn’t know how to do better and also because I wanted to have sex with his girlfriend but she didn’t like me so he was as close as I could get.

I’m pretty sure our leader sees a dead American as a profit and a living American as a loss.

We remember. We are rendered.

The oilbird’s diet is so high in oily fruits that the chicks were once collected and rendered for lamp oil.

I dreamed we had to wear vinyl records as hats.

I dreamed I used my thighs to choke a ten-foot-tall man who represented the patriarchy.

I just misread a jumble of headlines as “Trump Gives Musk Tuna.” I wondered what tuna was code for and if they’d both need penicillin shots.

Thanks to inflation, it will now be more expensive to eat the rich.

Why do I write about Oklahoma? Because Oklahoma is eternal within me. No Masonic or Hermle clock governs its presence in my body. The trauma—that first trauma and the countless ones that followed—has no timestamp. The Red River is as it was then. The bullfrogs are as they were, plentiful and at times inconvenient, especially when they flooded the road flanking the river. The moon lowering and lowering until it meets the sandy riverbed and shimmers like an arched doorway to heaven or hell or maybe just to someplace better, someplace where pain might exist but suffering isn’t manufactured faster than mobile homes and oil pumpjacks.

In my dream last night, I invented yambushing, which is pretty much what it sounds like: ambushing people with yams. I was eight years old in the dream and had to fend off my bullies. They did not see the yambush coming.

I dreamed I made millions writing Mormon erotica.

𒆪𒋆

That translates as Kushim and is the first known record of a person in writing.

The largest known human coprolite is 1,200 years old. It’s 20 centimeters long and 5 centimeters wide and was discovered in 1972 in an ancient Viking settlement in York, England.

It’s weird how old some things are, like murder.

Tonight, a fellow writer asked why I write about Oklahoma and my family’s history there, as if writing about the past and the place that made me who I am is of no value. It’s 2025, and you live in Utah, he said. I write about the present, too. But poets have pasts, and those pasts matter. They inform the present and the future. We live in many worlds and many timelines. Not everything is now, though then becomes now when we breathe life back into it.

I just learned that some canaries were kept in cages with oxygen tanks so they could survive after warning miners about dangerous levels of carbon monoxide.

And this ink is a suture. And this paper is a body. And this poem is a prayer for healing written one stitch at a time.

Will Journavx make me feel like I’m still living in a democracy?

In this light, ink on paper looks like sutures in skin.

I have no words to meet this moment.

Do whatever you need to survive. — My Mother

The Deconsolidation

I dreamed there was a mass psyche-extinction event in the United States called The Deconsolidation. It scrambled people’s memories, jumbled our understanding of time, and decimated our sense of self. In an effort to reverse the damage, a government project known as The Reconsolidation was launched. People were taken, one by one, into a room that looked like the interior of a moving train. There was a window with a table and two short booths in front of it, all under a warm spotlight.

Each participant was seated across from the interviewer, who asked simple questions with simple answers. The participants listened and responded as fake hypnotic landscapes whizzed by the fake window. The interviewer was kind, his voice low and reassuring. The interchange was designed to make us feel safe and bring our minds back online.

When it was my turn, I recognized that we were on a set, that there was no train, no scenery, that the world had been deconsolidated along with our psyches. I could see the dark corners of the space, where everything trailed off to nothing. I was one of the few who had not been successfully deconsolidated for whatever reason, so I saw through all of it. Why were they bringing everyone back, our minds back, to a world that was gone?

Our belief. They needed our belief in them, in ourselves, in what was, so they could keep taking and taking and taking everything from us. They wanted to keep their precious power even in an illusory world. They would turn the whole planet into a Potemkin Village to get it. We, the villagers, dazed and wandering, were their only hope.

Mary Ruefle’s ‘Lapland’

Mary Ruefle created a powerful moment for the audience here in Tucson when she read at The Poetry Center last fall. I was there and will never forget what she did. She read her poem “Lapland,” which she wrote fifty years ago. Then she read an essay about how the word Lapland is not offensive, but now it is offensive to use the word Lapp to describe the people in Lapland. She ended her essay by saying that although the poem’s title is “Lapland” and it’s set in Lapland and the word Lapp appears twice, it’s not about Lapland. Then she uttered this sentence, which enveloped the room:

“And if you don’t understand that, then I would go so far as to say you don’t understand poetry.”

Then, in the tradition of several poets who’ve come before her, she read the entire poem again without comment. So that we would hear it. So that, with our hearts and minds adjusted, we could hear it or have the hope of hearing it.

It was powerful. It was incredible.

Click on the image below to experience Ruefle reading “Lapland,” then her essay, then “Lapland” again. The recording of the entire video is on the VOCA Audiovisual Archives. I’m just sharing the section that contains “Lapland” so you can have the experience attendees had that night at Ruefle’s reading.

My Relationship with Language in a Nutshell

Wikipedia: In dentistry, the posselt diagram is a diagrammatic representation …

Me: *swoons at the very mention of a diagram*

Wikipedia: … of a sagittal view …

Me: *nearly faints because saggital is such a yummy word*

Wikipedia: … of maximum mandibular movement.

Me: *gets heart palpitations from maximum mandibular movement because it’s like a waltz turning into a march and uses consonance as a mechanism for smooth forward movement*

Wikipedia: But wait. There’s more.

Me: *wonders if she can handle any more*

Wikipedia: Posselt postulated that in the first 20 millimeters …

Me: *trills at the mention of a specific unit of measure*

Wikipedia: … of opening and closing …

Me: *tears up at the visual of opening and closing, an essential motion in nature that’s layered and evocative*

Wikipedia: … the mandible only rotates …

Me: *loves the constraint the mandible is showing here, which kind of makes it like a poem if a poem could be a horseshoe-shaped bone*

Wikipedia: … and does not simultaneously move downward and forward.

Me: *puts on nerdy reading glasses to impress Wikipedia* Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. How interesting. *touches own mandible gingerly*

Earth Dream

We’re heading back to Tucson in the morning. We’re just watching the day’s eyes close slowly here in Southern Utah. We’ll leave when the world wakes tomorrow.

Does Earth dream, too? Of course it doesn’t, but I hope it does. I want Earth to have a lucid dream about its own beauty and wake startled into itself the way we feel when we realize we’re more beautiful than we think we are.

Who’s that whistling down the street? A whistle is a bell and a bell is an angel.

Angel of the sandstone. Angel of the desert. Angel of this dry land we curse and pray to and live in and die for.

Angel of sage. Angel of globemallow. Angel of creosote. Of saltbrush and buckwheat and prickly pear and rabbitbrush.

Angel of the bell, of the child’s whistling mouth, of who the child is, where he came from, and where he’s going.

Cloud angel in the sky tatted like a mourner’s black lace.

Laccoloith angel who I’ve seen burn red as fire.

Farm angel with its sweet cows and shy horses.

Illumination angel steadying a light above a herd of cloned white bulls who shine like stars.

Goodnight, Toquerville. Sweet dreams. See you tomorrow, Tucson.