I want to add to my November 16 post about five things that have happened to me as a female-bodied poet. Poets #1 and #4 are misogynists. Poet #5 is deeply disturbed. But poets #2 and #3 live in a different space.

They’re both sensitive, talented male poets. They embody poetry in ways few do these days. There’s a kindness to them that’s rare, a generosity that can feel unparalleled. But they struggle in different ways, perhaps not unlike the ways in which we all struggle. Those struggles may be part of why poetry is so important to them and why they need it to be central to their lives.

I get it. But when those struggles have a gendered component, that dynamic can draw some poets closer while leading others to be excluded, marginalized, and othered. That othering tends to happen more to female-bodied poets than to non-female-bodied poets.

A female-bodied poet’s kindness can be taken for something it isn’t. A male poet’s expectations can get in the way of reality. A poet who feels snubbed or hurt or like he’s the one who never gets the girl can cut all ties to a talented female-bodied poet in order to avoid those feelings without thinking about the consequences of doing so, let alone the role they’re playing alongside countless other male poets, which is removing support from, blocking opportunities for, and silencing that poet’s voice and personhood over and over during her/their writing career.

That’s why I included poets #2 and #3 in my list alongside two misogynists and a poet who sexually assaulted me. They may be different from those men, but they still did harm. And this body keeps the score, which means other bodies are also keeping the score. It’s time to talk about the damage being done to our work and to our physical and mental health.